Pages

Saturday, February 22, 2020

THE SCOUSPOCALYPSE- The Tears of a non-Liverpool Fan

 [5 min read]


25 points clear, already qualified for next year’s Champions’ League and could be title holders in less than 10 games. There, official notice, the world is about to be thrown into an apocalyptic state. Nothing, nothing, I repeat, is expected to be normal thereafter.

Like a freshly delivered Bride at the Groom's doorstep, Liverpool are about to lay their hands on this beauty.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Liverpool are going to win the league and so we’re screwed.

If by now you still think, there’s a chance Liverpool won’t win the league then I have an aircraft carrier in King’s landing to sell to you at a flat rate of a thousand Naira. In the absence of Jesus’ coming or a Nuclear missile test gone wrong, Liverpool will have their hands on trophy that has eluded them since the Premier League era began in 1992.

It’s worthy to note that not only are they winning, they’re in fact having a clean sweep, aided and abetted excellently by the colossal bottling job other prospective contenders have executed so far this season. The Premier League has for the most part become a circus show this season. It has been capitulation on some of the highest standards.

As at the game before the new winter break, Liverpool had defeated all 19 opponents in the league at least once. A testimony of the team’s unforgiving ruthlessness in front of goal and stern stinginess in defence.

Ruthless attack, stingy defence and a collective ability to grind out wins regardless of the situation. They deserve everything that comes to them.

If you, dear reader supports any of the other 19 teams competing this season, you’re entitled to a refund (even if you have no dime in financial commitment). Whatever is left of the pride and honor of those clubs have been made into carcass for a wake of vultures to feast delightfully on.

Liverpool winning the league and potentially doing it unbeaten is simply just as pleasant as an impromptu colonoscopy. I however do believe Jurgen Klopp and his boys deserve all that is coming their way. This includes the strange luck that is the awful season Pep Guardiola and his Arab-wealthy boys are having.

Murphy's Law: "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong." 


As one who has watched quite a number of Premier League seasons, I love to believe this season is but a one-off and some actual competition will return next season. The hope is that other usual title suspects will replace the premature jellyfish spine they’ve had all season with something remotely tougher and go in gung-ho next season. Otherwise, we might as well have the league banned.

For now though, there really is a paucity of analysis to be made. The only real challenge for the Reds now will be to repeat the unique unbeaten run that made the 2003/2004 Arsenal team invincibles, in which case, fans of other clubs better relocate to an alternate universe.

Because winning the league is too mainstream, the Kops have set their sights on making The Arsenal Invincibles look ordinary. A tall and tough order. 

Already there’s an agenda fuelled by Liverpool fans to promote Jordan Henderson as PFA POTY. A suggestion only reasonable after a dozen bottles of some wicked polish vodka or precisely what happens when the Reds are having the time of their life.

Already there's a campaign for Jordan Henderson as the Player of the Year. See why no one wants them to win the League? 

Jurgen Klopp, his army of Reds and Kops worldwide have my most profoundly dishonest congratulations.

Boys and Girls, strap-in, “anything can happen 2020” is in full throttle. David Luiz may as well get a haircut, imagine Jurgen Klopp’s teeth turned white or Unai Emery found out that the phrase is in fact “Good evening” and not “Good ebening” or what if Zinedine Zidane grew an afro.

With the imminent Liverpool league win opening the end of the world portals that not even Liu Kang nor Lord Rayden can shut, nothing is allowed to catch you by surprise.

You’ve been warned. Thus ends my lamentation.





P.S :REMEMBERING KOBE


                                                                
                                                                When he shall die
                                                                Take him and cut him out in little stars,
                                                                And he will make the face of heaven so fine,
                                                                That all the world will be in love with night
                                                                And pay no worship to the garish sun.

-          William Shakespeare.

If you’re having a drink as you read this, kindly take a shot and toast to the sweet memories of all nine victims of the ill-fated Sikorsky S-76 helicopter crash on January 26.

You all belong with the ages now.

RIP.




-------------------------
Did you like this article? You'll definitely like others like...
1The High Court of Patriotism
2. The Shi'a Conundrum
3. A Very Democratic Own Goal



1 comment:

Tell us what you think about this post!
It'll help us to make better ones!
I promise!