How NOT to chat...

[5min Read]

I know you guys have read the article on "How to Chat" that was published on the blog sometime ago. I would have hoped that the chatting skills of most people would have drastically improved by then, but alas, my hopes were dashed by the generation that i have the fortune to be included in. There are some things that you would have hoped common sense would solve.....but it seems that common sense in actuality, is not so common.

Read on to find out the most ridiculous things to NOT do, but yet you still do anyway while you chatting.

1. Jump to conclusions at every possible juncture.

Frank: "Hi".

Eileen: Thinks *OMG he loves me*

Frank: "My name is Frank Heart"

Eileen: Thinks *He just me his last name - OMG he wants to marry me*

2. Be terribly terribly** blunt

When someone says "hi" please reply "Go away. I don't like you"

3. Use short forms, short forms and oh. ....NOTHING but short forms.

If someone tells you "I sent you the 50k you asked for yesterday" please reply "aii"

If someone tells you "you are the most amazing person I've ever met in my life"

Don't waste any time, tell them "k"

 

4. Don't waste time trying to empathize or understand anyone.

If someone tells you "I want to ask you a question" just reply "I don't know what questions are. Sorry"

 

5.   Respond with as few** words/letters as your can manage. It's just so, so* wonderful.... :|

When you're told "Hello. My names is Charles. I was given your number by your sister-in-law the other day to contact you, but she didn't give me your full name so I want to ask you then"

Reply with "Jane"

"Um....ok not full shaa. Where are you from anyway :) "

"Here"

"Here as in this same city we're in or...... what please?"

"Yes."

"I don't really understand, are you from Warri or another place please?"

"No"

6.  Don't forget to be as unbelievably rude as possible. Seriously oo. Don't even try to be at all remotely humane.

"Hi. I'm Cory"

"Who are you? How did you get my number! ?"

"Your friend in a party gave me"

"Liar. Idiot I'll block you"

7. Be as indecent as possible.

Say "Hello. I'm Jason"

"Hi. I'm Jewel"

Then say "So .... how do u wanna die today ?"

Or

When told "Hi. I'm Kosi"

Reply "Cool. Please send me a topless pic"

"What??!!"

"Don't worry its cool. Here's mine"

8. Take hours to reply a message after clearly reading the thing. Heck.......take days or a month. (This actually has happened - ie a month)

Chatter 1: "Hi"

*3 days later.....*

Chatter 2: "Ok"

<OR>

Chatter 1: "What's up"

Message sent- 12/09/2012

Chatter 2: "Well I'm fine"

Message sent - 09/03/2015

The best way is to read the message and turn off the phone for the next 2 years. Upgrade to a new phone and when you switching sims finally reply the person sending the message. Genius.    :|

If you have any suggestions or more tips on how NOT to chat. Help out and comment below! You could be the feature in an all new article! :)

Thanks for coming here :)

Love, Stars and Jam

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