Unpopular Opinion - Over The Top

[5 mins Read]

Just the other day, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine on the attitude of girls and guys, about how to act on attraction.

I, personally, don't like hints. But as much as I don't like hints, I also wouldn't appreciate having a large lump of love thrown into my face. Be gentle with it. It's not a do-or-die affair. some of the biggest problems with love, romance and attraction are a bad approach, and a discrepancy in communication.

I was told that "A girl can only give so many hints. That most guys want a girl with her dignity still intact".

First of all, I wasn't aware that there are any guys who want a girl with her dignity NOT intact. And the kind of dignity I mean is not the type of dignity you're thinking about. Clean your mind please. The problem with the hints most girls give, is that it's like they throw a needle in a haystack, and they somehow expect that you have a magnet or know that you should go get one.
Most of the hints you girls give are really not straightforward, even though you think they are.

One girl smiles at you and it means "I like you". Another 3 girls smile at you, it means "Here, take a friendzone". How do you people not want us to be confused?

And honestly It's not about the number of hints you "drop". It's about the quality. You shouldn't even be dropping hints on the floor. Sometimes give it to them by the hand. Or you run the risk of guys running right past it. Especially in these days of rape culture. Where suddenly anything a guy does is a crime because the girl was apparently not giving him any signal or consent. You can't blame a guy for wanting to be safe.

Don't say something like "I just wish somebody would love me". It makes us think as if you're not referring to us, since we're right here. Say something like, "We should probably try the dating thing. It could possibly work" 🤔

Or "I think you're kinda cool. Dating you would be fun". That's for if you're into 'dating' oo. But if it's more of a FWB kinda thing, then change the wording to reflect it etc. I'm not here to judge. I'm just here to talk unpopular thoughts.

You need to be a lil adventurous. Not over the top, and not under the bottom. I respect a girl who knows what she wants, and can be mature about it if she can't get it. We can't always like back the people that like us. It's sad, but it's true.

Can we please just be mature here?

Another question that was asked (she's a highly spiritual girl) is;
"Why can't Christ be the center of your romance?"

For the most part, a lot of this is more idealistic than realistic. You must think that I mean nobody can go around saying "Oh sweety, I love you like John 3:16" - Or, "Oh baby, I love you like Christ loves the church"

Please. That's not the case. It has to do with your implementation and management of whatever relationship you're in. And once again, it really still depends on the guy in question - as well as what exactly he wants, not just from you, but at that point in his life. So many girls are locked up in the idea that dating MUST lead into marriage. But that's a close-minded way of thinking, and you are entirely free to disagree with me - you have a right to your own opinion.

Sometimes it'll be like you're having a serious struggle with a guy you like. You keep pushing, and pushing him for answers - and he seems to keep dodging around the point, being flaky.

It's probably because he knows the answer is not something that you'll like.

And if you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that the way most girls react with anything that doesn't align with their world view is 'extreme disappointment'. As if the man has betrayed your entire existence, and has become a fallen angel seeking your soul.

Please. Dear female. Just calm yourself.

Worse put, if anybody asks the girl what actually went wrong with your connection, you seem to end up painting him all black - as if he's the devil and you are The Lord's holiest and humblest lowly servant. Somebody praise.

Which is what guys are afraid of: The fact that you'll ruin his chances with the next(right) girl, when things don't work out with you, since you obviously don't fit into the paradigm of his life. And one girl that hears this "gist" about him will only end up passing it to another. It might take a day. It might take a minute after you're done visiting someday, or meeting up the first time. It might take a year or 10 years. But it gets around - and it's not entertaining OR funny.

This is why, sometimes, a guy will seem interested in you and then all of a sudden back off one day - the internet calls it "Ghosting".

It's because he has finished predicting how everything will end up, usually from past experiences or from fear, and is not interested in chasing the prospect of you because it will most probably only end up badly, so he prefers not to get too deep into the connection.

In time, you'll see him talking to another girl - maybe even more than one. Trying to check prospects and see if she's suitable for him. Some girls will see this happen, and instead of asking the guy what's wrong, will just start calling the guy a player and a womanizer.

It's important to note that while this explains cases for a lot of guys, this is not ALWAYS the case. There are quite a lot of angles to look at, and I can only take them piece by piece. Truth is, some people really ARE womanizers. But one of the greatest mistakes in your life would be to assume a person is a womanizer based only on what you've heard from several people. You are judging somebody you have never even met before. And that is highly unfair. You would be shocked at all the untrue things you will hear about yourself if you do enough research.

But hey. Don't take this as me telling you not to chase your dreams. Quite honestly, I'm only here for course correction. To help you realize how to chase your dreams BETTER.

You can be open minded and think on all I've written, or if you feel like it - react in extreme disappointment and betrayal of everything you believed of me.

But I'll be in Ekiti living life in the happy lane.

If you have a comment to drop or a personal experience to share, please do so in the comment section below. You can't be suffering alone. Remember to ask your questions, if you have any, in case you want something clarified or believe something wasn't touched on, or even if you just plainly disagree.

Hopefully one day I can write on things from the girls side. But I don't have enough know-how on that yet.


Thanks for coming over.
Love, Stars, and The Right Approach.


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