Football’s Vocal Gaffes

                                                             

Footballers and their managers don’t exactly top the charts in terms of IQ's. Some of them even say things that tempts you to believe the myth that their excessive nodding of the ball may actually dislodge the smart guy upstairs to be stuck up their backsides. So as Ol’ Eric Idle always said: “Look on the bright side of…” well…football this time. My responses are in parenthesis. Grab a chuckle!

   "They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that." – KEVIN KEEGAN

Olumide: (“in Ted Mosby’s voice” Kids, you see why Kevin never became a Champion throughout his managerial career? He just doesn’t believe there is such a thing as First position)

        "A game is not won until it is lost."- DAVID PLEAT

Olumide: (This writer takes a deep breath, moves and seconds the motion that this guy, on the day he said this, was drunk with a gallon of Vodka mixed with Erythrocytes from a baby rabbit)

·         "Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." - STEVE LOMAS

Olumide: (Really Steve? what did you expect? 11 Fishermen or 11 Frill-necked Lizards? I’m confused)

·         "We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us." - RUUD GULLIT & “The possession stats at one point were 77% to 33%.” – MICK QUINN

Olumide: (Elsewhere, their high school Mathematics teachers are about to shoot themselves through The Nostrils)

·         “I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”- MARK VIDUKA

Olumide: (Lose every game and win the league? Mark that only happens in The Federal Republic of Morons. You’re on a Concorde flight to the deep dark hole called Relegation, pal)

·         “Winning trophies has made me put on weight”- RAFA BENITEZ

Olumide: (And then you get upset when Chelsea fans call you a Fat Spanish Waiter?)

·         “Frank Lampard has still got the same legs he had five years ago”.- RAY WILKINS

Olumide: (Ah, many thanks Ray for clarifying that. Some of us thought he had replaced those legs with those of a mummified hermaphroditic Orang-utan)

·         "Sometimes you want Obertan to open his legs and do something a bit exciting" - ALAN PARDEW

Olumide: (Do something like pee in that mouth of yours? Sure, that’s exciting Alan)

·         "Bobby Robson is Bobby Robson and will always be Bobby Robson" - FREDDY SHEPHERD

Olumide: (Your point therefore is?)

   "I don't know what we have to do to win”- DAVID MOYES

Olumide: (In some other related news, Water is actually wet. We already knew that, Dave. This writer as a matter of fact thinks you’d be better off an Ostrich farmer than a Football Manager…Honestly)

   “Sometimes in football you have to score goals" - THIERRY HENRY

Olumide: (Really? I never quite knew that. I thought the game’s objective was to try as much as possible to shoot the ball outside the stadium before the Captains of both teams challenge each other to a colourful shotgun Duel)

    “Sandro’s holding his face. You can tell from that it’s a knee injury.”- DION DUBLIN

Olumide: (With this impressive Knowledge of Anatomy, Dion would make an excellent Head Physiotherapist for Cockerels at the next Cockfight competition in Papua New Guinea)

And my personal Favourite;

 "It's so daft it's almost stupid" - CHRIS KAMARA

Olumide: (I have no words actually. I’m as confused as Chris)

The funny ones were written by The Archbishop of BANTERbury, others were Jamike’s