The child is the father of the Man

[7 min read]

‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee, and thou may live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.’ This quote is taken from the book of Ephesians 6, where Paul admonishes the Ephesian church on the essence of family.

Hold up, this is not necessarily a religious article, I just had to bring in this part of the Bible that a lot of us like to quote in relation to parents and children. So, stay with me. 

LABELS

[5 min read]

Often times, when I look at the bios of people on social media, I see different adjectives that describe who they are, like: feminist, tech, proud Muslim(ah), Christian, proud black woman just to mention a few. It amazes me how those few words and phrases give me a general idea of who the person I am about to welcome into my space is.

Most times, these words fit into their online persona and other times it doesn’t. It is also of worth to note that many times, even in our daily lives, we have labels that we go by, either in our appearances, profession, affirmations or vibes. It reminds me of my article on stereotypes and I always keep myself in check about stereotyping a person. But now I think, what is it with labels? Why are we as a generation so proud to label ourselves and place ourselves within a box? Honestly, I have struggled with the idea that I am one thing, that everything I am can be summarized in a word or statement.

When I am described with a word or phrase, I actually take offence to it; because I believe that I am part of something way bigger, and those words and adjectives limit me and put me in a box. I feel like I am more than my gender, sexuality, faith or hobbies taken individually to identify me. So when I am asked to describe myself, it is as though you are giving me a blank page to sell myself to you. I am not just a medical student, I am not just a believer, I am not just a girl or a writer or a sexual and reproductive health advocate, I am more. I am a lot of things yet to be discovered. I am no longer what I was yesterday because I have grown, and no matter what I aspire to be tomorrow, I could be someone else. I could be the first person to do something, I could be the first person to find a cure to the current pandemic. I am part of something way bigger, bigger than words can describe, bigger than even I can fully describe. I am the living word. I grow every day and as I do, I leave some labels behind.

However, labels aren’t necessarily a problem. Your labels allow people to be able to identify you, categorize you, and invest with and in you. Everyone has their choices and desires and even at the store, we check the labels of the goods we want to buy before we do. Difference is that those goods do not grow, they can only get bad, of which you might be able to tell on the label (expiry date, NAFDAC number…)

So, while labels help identify us, they might not fit into who we really are or they may portray us negatively (I mean, who likes negative labels). Labels have the ability to not tell the full story or the right story. They leave very little room to expand borders. I have seen very good people lose opportunities and positions because of labels that are beyond their control. Labels of gender, tribe and sexuality that have limited the other party from seeing beyond their beliefs into the skills and other interesting attributes the individuals have to offer. But as life is, labels are important and they are not going away any time soon, we might as well deal with it. My advice is just to give people a chance. They are more interesting and most likely have more to offer you than the labels you have put on them. You could lose out on meeting the love of your life or your business partner, when that happens the labelled individual loses almost as much as you do. 

Always remember to do unto others how you want them to do on to you.

Conclusively, stealing the words of Jamike, when you reduce a person to a label, you see them in one dimension; but nobody is one-dimensional.

This article looks familiar right? Yes, that is because I have written one on stereotypes. If you haven’t read it, then you have missed out. It is evergreen.

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1. Stereotype Much?

2. Imagine That

3. Power!

Talk Talk!

[7 min read]

In this time and age where the spread of information can almost be compared to the speed of light, it is of utmost importance that the contents of our message be tested and true. Words, spoken or put up on media platforms, are like eggs; once said, they cannot be taken back. When you understand the importance of your words and how it can make or mar a person, an idea or a product, then I guess you understand how well to use them.

IMAGINE THAT

[6 min read]

At my chapel door every Sunday, there is a basket of small cards at the door from which worshippers are to pick from; and this Sunday, I picked a card that read – ‘If you can’t win even in your own imagination, then you are a very special loser. Your imagination is your wining ground. No man born of a woman should be able to defeat you there. Be positive…have a victorious mindset! Proverbs 23:7 For has he thinks in his heart, so is he’.

African Big People

[3min read]

Hey. For the sake of this article, let’s define big people as adults and parents/ Aunties/ Uncles and all the other big people.

Now, many a times we see memes describing how African parents behave and react to certain situations and we laugh. Or those for the evil aunties who don’t mind their business. Yes, it is funny. I laugh myself. Different people have blown on different social medias due to these videos and memes that have been made on this subject matter. But while we laugh and point fingers back to certain people that we know behave in such manners, how many of us actually sit back and evaluate our own attitude?

Teach Our Boys to be BOYS

[4 min read]

It is a common saying on most, if not all social media platforms that "Men are scum." Well, personally, I know quite a number of men who are not scum. For various reasons men have become scum to women or rather the entire female populace. I do not disagree with the men are scum theme song actually; personal experiences and very true life stories have made me believe at several intervals that men are indeed the scummiest of the scum. But the problem is that everyone can be a scum at any given time, but that is a story for another time.

Gender Inclusion: An oversight of some Feminists

[4 min read]

IDOWU MARY

A while back, I wrote an article on women and the power that lies within us; this time, I'm going deep in. I will be writing on what many ‘feminists’ do not always seem to know about 'feminism'.

Chimamanda Adichie wrote a book titled, ’we should all be feminists’, and from it, I agree that indeed we should all be. Everyone, both males and females should be feminists. Every girl who is a teenager and upwards is a feminist to say a few, but often times, it seems they do not understand what it really means. Females always want "gender inclusion", ie that they want to be included in every activity the male gender is included in; given the same opportunities the male gender is given; basically treated the same way a guy should be treated, but often times, we girls get selfish. Yes, selfish.

Spotlight 8 - Amazon Sole Mates

If you are looking for a place to get classy shoes to make you feel better than Cinderella; then don't look far, Amazon sole mates is there to cater to the needs of your soles. Amazon sole mates offers wide varieties of shoes; heels, sandals, sneakers, court shoes, classy slippers and many others. They are available in different sizes, colours and designs.

Skin Deep Beauty

Shine brighter than a diamond

MARY IDOWU

Last week, I was at a "girls’ night out", and we were discussing self-confidence, I didn’t get a chance to speak due to time however, and so I have decided to come share what I learnt; my insecurities and how I overcame them.

Growing up as a child, I was always called 'Oh Mary Mary Kampala', usually in a sing song manner. This habit actually started from my nursery two class teacher. It spread fast, and a lot of people picked up the habit. I didn’t really understand what was wrong with me and why people would seek to make fun of me, as I was 'daddy’s girl' and I got all the love in the world from him. As I grew, I started seeing myself in the mirror, I started realizing that I had different skin colours on me; some part of me was yellow (which is my actual colour) and some part of me was dark, like really dark. I had brown discolorations and I had dark, more like black patches on me. I then understood that I was different. It actually didn’t bother me as such because I had my family around me and they always made me feel better.

However, upon getting into secondary school it became a big issue for me, as I was in a boarding school. A roommate relocated from my room to another because she didn’t like the way I looked. I tried every cure that was given to me, nothing worked; rather, I started getting worse. I would have sudden discolorations on my face, arms, legs, thorax that wasn’t there before and they wouldn’t leave. I started to cry a lot and felt kind of depressed. When my parents asked me why I was sad, I found it hard to tell them for reasons beyond me. I was angry. I was angry at my dad; I was angry at myself for being ‘ugly’.  I could see my parents putting effort to make me feel and look better but it wasn’t helping matters, rather it depressed me even more. I have had people call me a tiger, I have issues wearing certain outfits or even rubbing white powder. I had issues with being comfortable around girls because they would always ask questions that I couldn’t answer.

Basically, being different hurt. Asides that, I was short and skinny. I kind of grew to become average height, but I haven’t got fat. Everyone is always bugging me about my size, either jokingly or intentionally. It always hurt. So, how did/do I cope? Sometimes I like to feel like I have the solution locked down. Maybe I do, maybe not.

2017 in a nutshell

Mary Idowu

The year 2017 started with a bang for me. Sometimes, it feels like it was just yesterday I shouted happy new year; but when the year began proper, it seemed so long and tedious and there were times when time flew and at other times when I kept watching the clock. Looking through the year now, 2017 has been very dramatic with it's highs and lows, it gave some a new lease on life and from others, it snatched quite a bit. I don't know how 2017 was for you but for me, it was a mixture of fun and annoyance. So, as the year is gradually coming to an end, here are some highlights of  2017;

Donald Trump became President: 

I was part of the small percentage of people who felt like Donald Trump would become the President, yet it still came to me as a shock when I heard the news that he actually won the election. For some reasons I felt like something could still happen and Hillary would win; but when he was sworn in as the President and he moved into the white house on the 20th of January, I realized that anyone could become anything if they really want to. It is just a matter of determination, saying and doing the right things, meeting the right people and having some sort of tough skin. I mean c'mon!! The whole world was literally against the man.

Time

MARY IDOWU

Time; Tempus in Latin. Time isn't a strange concept to us as humans. We go through our lives based on time. We make plans and decisions based on time. But, what does time really mean, what happens when you are not on time, what happens when time gets to you?

According to Wikipedia; Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future. That is to say, time spans continuously, it's the only factor that has witnessed the birth,  growth and death of events, generations, technology and so on.

When You Catch Feelings

I think I am in love, I am sad, I am hungry, I feel heartbroken, I feel nervous, I feel hopeful and optimistic that all will turn out welI. I feel like sleeping, l feel like that class wouldn't hold, I feel like eating bread and beans, I feel like hitting her across the face...

Are You Enjoying?

Tell me… Are you enjoying yourself?

People will often tell you to enjoy yourself, and live life to the fullest; but, are you really living your life this way? Do you know how to? Do you even know what life means? Well, let me tell you. You are life, yes! You and I.

Power!

Two men

One intimidated by the lady in her

The other, unsatisfied with it

Both actually fail to recognize one thing -

The powers that be

Which she possesses.

When I was younger, my father always told me never to be a liability. He always said, “Mary! You have all it takes to be all you want.” As I grew up, I realized that all he told me was true. All I needed to be comfortable, is within me. 

Stereotype Much?

When you are an Ijebu, man and your friends always make fun of your stingy nature, does it bother you? When ‘Oyinbos’ think that you come from a country where gorillas and bears walk around freely, and you live in thatched houses - even in this 21^st century, how do you feel? …Angry? Hurt? Upset?

Every day, we face people who categorize us and make assumptions based on tribe, race, appearance, religion, amongst others. These are stereotypes, and we unfortunately live, today, in a society that overindulges in them.