The Wisdom of The Grey

[4 min Read]

I was in a conference December last year, when I heard this line from one of the speakers - "The Wisdom of 'The Grey' must be passed on to the young". It was said grandly, to reverberating cheers booming across the halls from the older attendees. Old people do quite love being told that they are "right" and they "know what they're doing". However, it is a line I wholeheartedly agree with. But it is also a line that I find to be exceptionally dangerous, if misused or misunderstood.

From a personal experience, you see, I am very careful when I give out advice to people - especially generalized advice, because of how incorrectly it can be taken out of context, or misunderstood or even abused.

Take for example the statement, "It is good to spice your food, to make it tasty". This is true for the most part. But not so much if the 'food' in question is tea, or ice cream. And then again, different spices are used for different foods - which makes the application of that advice more complicated unless you know what you're doing.

And that's the problem I have with this great saying in the first paragraph. Because the fact of the matter is, being older doesn't mean you know everything, or that you are ALWAYS correct. Which is something that I find that older people tend to have a problem coming to terms with some of the time. Most older people dictate advice as if theirs are the very words from heaven.

And when I refer to older people, I don't only mean elderly people. Even people in my age bracket, and from my generation.

Something we often misunderstand, is that just because a certain statement may be true for us due to our experiences, doesn't mean it will be absolutely true for others - even if they have very similar circumstances.

Another important factor which many older people miss out on, is listening to the other party. And I mean actually listening. Not "letting them talk for a little while and then interrupting them before they can finish making their point, or just because you don't agree with their words, or how they don't sound as if they want to worship you like a god of advice".

I've never really liked talking to old people because of this. I have to admit it. It's important that I say this first, because it will put a lot of things into an interesting context. You would be absolutely amazed how wonderful younger people feel, when you speak to them with respect and equality, rather than condescension and airs of superiority.

It is exhilarating to be seen as important. If you've never experienced it yourself, then you may not truly understand the importance of doing this - but you MUST do it, even still.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with teaching younger ones from your experiences and knowledge. But it is increasingly important that you recognize that the times are changing, and they are changing fast. Your mode and tone of address are important. The bridging of different moral values and viewpoints is important too. For example; maybe in your time loose skirts that reached the ankles were the way forward, but forcing it down the throats of younger people is a futile attempt most of the time.

Another problem most elderly people do is pass condemnation viciously and speedily, with an ease that absolutely terrifies me. You act as if you've never made a bad mistake in your life, or that you don't have friends who have done so.

No matter what you hear from the younger generation - DO NOT panic. DO NOT shout and scream profanities. DO NOT look at them with disgust. DO NOT act is if they are the most useless humans on earth. DO NOT tell them they are foolish for making such a mistake. DO NOT interrupt them out of the sheer horror of whatever you think it is. BE SILENT. Use your poker face. Take it in slowly. Do not act rashly, out of place. Even if they tell you they killed 50 men or had 20 abortions, or stole Obasanjos first born son. I can absolutely promise you this - IT WILL NOT HELP, and you may just ruin the chances of them ever confiding in you, or asking for help again.

Listen to the people you are giving advice. You may not always agree with them or like what they say - but an instant dismissal will only make them resistant to whatever you have to say.

Maybe in the early days you can control them as you want, but as they grow, if they continue to see your arms and house as a cage, and your words as a condemnation, they will do their best to flee from you the moment they see a chance.

And I promise you, the last thing you want, is to be seen as a wicked prison. A place where hatred is made.

Be free, and they just might be too.

Thanks for reading.
Love, Stars and an Old Mans' Wisdom.




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