Now hold up for a second.
I know what you're thinking. Okay, maybe not - since I'm not a mind-reader. But I do assume that once you saw the title of this article, what came to mind was violent, rash verbal exchanges revolving around ego and immediate abandonment of home training.
But no, I meant non-violent arguments. Debates. Where an exchange and interaction of ideas and viewpoints take place.
It doesn't have to be a "I'm right, and you're wrong" scenario, or a competition for who can hurl the most colorful insult. Because I've noticed that's what happens in a lot of arguments. One person gets vexed by the opinion of the other - or his/her personal inability to reply with a logical intelligent comeback, and thus tosses the nastiest verbal attack that comes to mind. All of a sudden; a peaceful but tense argument becomes a fight between two pigs rolling around in the cafeteria, or in the comment section of some social media platform.
They have a common pattern. They start by insulting your intelligence, or your personality, or your family members or your associations; like country, profession, preferences etc.
Personally, I find it disgusting. If you are incapable of replying in a civilized manner with facts, figures and logic then you really shouldn't be getting in arguments in the first place. You are an emotional and social hazard. Such people, once they realize the fallacy of all they've been saying since, as you shatter their argument, decide to retaliate in the only way they know how; "Your Father", "Your Mother". If you ever come across such a person, dear reader, please avoid the temptation to jump into the fray. Leave the pigsty for the pigs.
Yes, I know you are fully capable of lambasting the other party in such a creatively brutal way that even their parents would be called to cry and apologize, but I assure you - more often than not, the audience (if any) cannot tell who is better than the other- because you have both sunk low. Ignore the cheers and claps from the comment section or your DMs, they will deceive you that you are on the right track. Like the cheers from spectators to a person driving at 150 miles per hour.
They love the thrill of watching you take risks and show off, but if anything goes wrong - they won't partake in the crash with you.
If you're arguing (again, peaceful debate and exchange of ideas is what I mean here), you shouldn't let emotion dictate the words you say. Be factual, be logical, be honest. Realize your weak points, and where you are wrong. Admit them. You shouldn't be out calling out other parties on their faults if you're not ready to be called out on yours.
Every debate and discussion should be an opportunity to teach and learn. If you're not interested in doing BOTH of these, then it's a pretty good indicator that you shouldn't be arguing whatever it is.
If you notice that you are getting too emotionally invested in the argument, you need to IMMEDIATELY take a step back and ask yourself WHY you are so heated up.
Are you angry at the person because of what they're saying, or some prejudice of who they are or what they represent? Are you angry because you might be wrong? Are you angry because they haven't allowed you to speak as much as you wanted - maybe they keep cutting you off? Are you angry because neither of you are moving forward and repeating the same things over and over? Actually THINK it over.
Yes, I know "anger" is the only 'emotion' I've mentioned so far, but honestly, are you going to fight someone because you realized you've started to love them halfway through the argument? Etc etc for the other emotions.
In an argument/discussion, you need to watch yourself as much as you watch the other party. A rule I and my friends and family commonly follow is the rule of allowances or 'no interruptions'. No matter what the person says, or how long they say it for, or how false it sounds - NO MATTER WHAT, just let them finish talking. Have a piece of paper and a pen to write down your thoughts if you're prone to forgetting them.
Take turns and let each person speak to their fill, so they understand you respect their right to an opinion, and to a defense - even though you disagree or do not like them. I can promise if you do this, ALL your arguments will change and you'd be amazed how progressive your discussions will be from now on.
Thanks for reading.
Love, Stars and Non-petty Arguments.
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