At The Pleasure of The President

[5 min read]

On the 17^th of April 2020, rumours of the death of Former Chief of Staff, Abba Kyari OON, touched down on various social media platforms in Nigeria. A couple more hours the next day, the President’s spokesmen confirmed the story- the President’s right hand man, long-time political ally and close friend had become the latest victim of the ravaging Coronavirus.

The President’s right hand man, long-time political ally and close friend succumbed to the ruthless Coronavirus 

What followed of course were tributes and admiration from those who knew him personally, a resurrection of conspiracy theories (top of which was that he was the focal point of the “Cabal” in the Presidency) and debates by political observers, analysts and practically everyone who felt like letting some saliva gain freedom from the prisons of their mouths.

Recall shortly before his death, during his malady, his whereabouts was a subject for some hot speculation. During his lifetime, there were those who argued that he was in fact too powerful. Some believed for all intents and purposes, that he ran the country.  

Like one with a delicious and steamy affair with controversies, even in death, he couldn’t stop making out with the headlines. His funeral (as simple as it was supposedly planned to be in line with Islamic teachings), social distancing measures were violated much to the embarrassment of the Presidency.

To that mix, add the fact that the President has ordered an autopsy of his wheeling and dealing schemes as Chief of Staff. The initial result of which is the not particularly shocking discovery of over a hundred phony appointments made behind the President's back.

Not even death could divorce the man from controversy. Social distancing was violated during his funeral.

But this is not an ode to this Cambridge University-trained lawyer and Father of four, so it’s best to keep it short and simple at "Inna Lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un" and pray a good rest for arguably the most powerful Chief of the Staff Nigeria ever had.   

In the new and democratic Nigeria, there barely had been any Chief of Staff more discussed about than Abba Kyari. However, most Nigerians are still not particularly clear what the occupant of that office does. It has for the most part been shrouded in mystery and secrecy, only fully understood by those in the loop.

The constitution scarcely offers any much help in terms of insight. What is known though is that the influence each one of these occupants have wielded have been dependent on their Principal- The President of the Federal Republic.

If we must be Judge and Jury (as it is our favorite idle human pastime) of anyone who takes the role, we must slam the gavel only after putting the subject’s work in the right perspective. The right perspective is summarized in a statement they make all too often; “I serve at the pleasure of the President”

Gatekeepers. This is probably the most common and popularly agreed upon nickname associated with these particular group of people. With the task of keeping the Presidency staff in their hundreds in line and controlling very tightly, access to the President, the gatekeepers tend to possess a unique skillset necessary for the execution of their jobs.

A combination of charm and ruthlessness, audacity, lightening rod, friendship, doggedness and political finesse, political experience and in-depth understanding of the nation’s political system. All of these wrapped in the blanket of fierce, absolute and unflinching loyalty to their bosses.

They answer to no one except the President (They do not have to go through the Senate for confirmation). They are the President’s most loyal buddies but incredible monsters when they have to be. A Golden Retriever to his master and a Doberman Pinscher to whoever plans to give the President any problems.

As the popular saying goes, “The President runs the country but the Chief of Staff runs the President.”

In the fictional universe you think of Cyrus Beene to President Fitzgerald Grant (Shonda Rhimes’ Scandal), Doug Stamper to President Francis J. Underwood (Beau Willmon’s House of Cards) or even the hand of the King in George R.R Martin's Game of Thrones. In the Sicilian crime world narrative and organogram, you may consider Consigliere Tom Hagen’s relationship to Don Vito Corleone (Mario Puzo’s classic, The Godfather) as that of a gatekeeper.

In the real world, especially in the United States (with a similar political system as Nigeria), there are even bigger names who have served as Chiefs of Staff. The likes of Dick Cheney (who would go on later to serve as Secretary of Defense and arguably the most powerful Vice President in the history of the country), Leon Panetta (who went on to serve as Secretary of Defense and Director of the CIA), Donald Rumsfield (who also served as Secretary of Defense) et cetera.

We are talking some really big whales here.

This is obviously no job for namby-pambies nor the political about-to-reach-puberty individuals. Cute ideas don’t cut it in that office, only one who carries the big stick and is not afraid to swing it in any direction.

That was why Abba Kyari was appointed and to be objectively honest, the man did a pig of a job. The Presidency- the ship that was supposed to be tightly run was left to take in water like her captain was on sabbatical. With aides dishing out weekly competing levels of incompetence, the President became an easy target for public outrage. It was a turkey shoot.

Four and a half years later and the President’s approval ratings can only be found by desperate archaeologists.

The new Captain on board the Presidential vessel is a 75 year-old retired diplomat and one-time President of UNICEF. The Septuagenarian also served as Minister of External Affairs when his current boss was Military Head of State.

The new Sheriff in town: Diplomat, Scholar and most importantly, true Buharist. 

Professor Ibrahim Gambari has a rugged hill to climb. The corridor of power is tiled with treachery and on such grounds must he navigate to go about fixing the dysfunctional and fatigued structure that he inherited. Realistically though, none of that will happen without the new boss wielding the axe without mercy on some of those aides and bringing in fresh hands to tidy up the cobwebbed presidency.

Just a few hours before this write-up was completed, as sure as death and taxes are, another one of the president’s boys gaffed big time. Insinuating that he knew a few people who could influence a court decision against Yunusa Dahir (who was sentenced to some 26 years behind bars for the trafficking and sexual exploitation of minor, Ese Oruru), Bashir Ahmad (Special Adviser to the President on New Media) roped himself almost under no form of pressure whatsoever into a colossal mess.

So while the Ilorin-born erudite scholar’s resume is in no doubt very inviting, it’s left to be seen if he has the nerves of steel and ice in his veins to have the multitude of erring crew of the presidential kitchen cabinet on the chopping block and the stones to go through with it.

It is clear than anything short of a good old fashioned house-cleaning and the smoke that’d blow off Aso Villa’s chimney will be that of an unfortunate status quo.

I hate to be in his shoes but then again, neither you the reader nor this columnist is Chief of Staff. Professor Gambari is and he’s got to act like it!

Godspeed Professor!

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