The Boychild

[3min Read]

"The Girlchild"
From when I was a young child, this term surrounded my social consciousness as the most important matter of our time.

There was fighting against their rapes, against their lack of recognition, against their lack of opportunity, against constant abuse and neglect. Everyday I would hear and see motivational quotes and messages, aimed at them. Telling them to be strong. To be brave. That they were treasures.

And then one day I wondered. Why was no-one talking about the boys? The men. Of whatever age and status.
I was eventually told that boys were privileged; Allowed more opportunities; Praised more for their versatility; Respected and admired for more than just their looks and sex appeal. I agreed with all these things of course. A close look at society will reveal all this and far much more, to be very true.

But all this truth didn't solve my problems. None of this "truth" helped me. I had quite a depressing childhood. I've never written of the details, and for certain reasons I probably never will. My mind was filled with dark thoughts. I undervalued myself. I had little to no confidence. I was bullied in school. I was avoided. I had like a total of 1 friend per year across all my grades till grade 7. A situation, I'm sure many people would be familiar with, because dark experiences can happen to anyone.

In my own experience, nobody really told the boy-child all these positive things that would have inspired us. Nobody gave ys a treasure box full of compliments and motivational tidbits to equip ourselves daily like mental jewelry. We were simply expected to be okay. Here, "Boys will be boys" also often meant "Boys will be fine". Or who knows; maybe they just told other boys, and I was simply forgotten in the heat of the moment. An afterthought, after "the important ones".

I do not remember being looked in the eyes, and told warmly, "Jamike. You are worth it". Or some other set of hope-inducing sentences and value-encouraging fire quotes.

I would be lying badly, if I said I didn't need them.

Over time I have thus started to realize that in our earnest desire to recognize the girl child and her many real needs, we had slowly started to neglect the importance of the growth of the boy child. A tragedy, if you think about it; because if you raise up princesses and queens, but have no kings and princes for them, they will end up falling into the hands of paupers. A situation we see quite so often, if you know what I mean.

Imagine telling the girl-child that she should be praised for more than just her beauty, but then not teaching the boy-child to actually praise more than the beauty of the female gender. You do not groom his confidence, and he thus develops an inferiority complex and abuses the girl-child and the female gender. You do not teach him that he too has value, and he spends his life trying to satisfy and please the only gender that does have value. You do not teach him how to be royal - a king. And thus he has no concept of treating the girl-child like the royalty she is. Princess, Queen or Empress.

See, while we often do not recognize or admit it, the boy child has needs just as real as the girl-child. He can be abandoned. He can be killed. He can be mutilated. He can be raped. He can be misunderstood. He can be spoilt. And this leads to badly adjusted adults in the society whose mind frames have been so poorly inculcated with improper and dysfunctional values, that he is more or less an absolute mess.

All around me, growing up, I saw too many boys who stole because they didn't understand the repercussions it would have on their psyche. Boys who lacked confidence and were used and abused and had no gall to stand up for themselves. Boys who were ill adjusted to society and had no far-reaching dreams, and thus "mediocre" was their only standard. Boys who were filled with rage and hatred, and didn't know how to convert and channel their emotions to productive and positive outlets.

Once in a while, even I too was often one of those  boys. Unfocused. Untaught. Uninspired. Unreliable. Undervalued. Undermined.

We need to understand, that the boys are not okay.
But they will be, if we help them.

Forgive me, If I speak up too much for the boys.
You see, as a boy, no-one spoke up too much for me.



Thank you for reading.
Love, Stars and To Grooming All Children.



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