The Gift of Goodbye

By Ebi Ashidi

Saying goodbye might be painful - and in most cases it is, but it can also be the best Gift you give to yourself.

Being in a relationship that isn’t fruitful, and only painful, or in a relationship that brings more pain than joy, such relationships have to be let go.

STEP 1: EVALUATE

Before you can say goodbye, you need to be able to tell what relationships deserve your gift. We all have relationships. I mean, we were created for relationships.

We have relationships with everything existing around us. Our phones, drugs - prescribed and non-prescribed, TV, clothes, a boyfriend a girlfriend, food, drinks, games, etc.

You need to evaluate our relationships. Yes, you really do need to. If, in this New Year, you must be the best you can be, and achieve all you should, then you must evaluate your relationships.

I'll share a few points on how you know you need to gift yourself goodbye.

If you are;

1.       Throwing in all you've got and getting nothing in return from the relationship - give the Goodbye Gift

2.       Crossing lines and boundaries, breaking promises to keep the relationship afloat, Gift yourself Goodbye

3.       Having to block well-meaning family and friends out to secure the relationship (usually it’s a bad idea if that leads to this) gift yourself goodbye

4.       Telling lies to enjoy the relationship? Gift yourself goodbye.

5.       If you have a compulsion to service the relationship else you’ll be left helpless, gift yourself goodbye. (Addiction has never paid anyone).

There are more but this is 5 for now.

STEP 2: GOODBYE GIFT

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to say it. Just walk out the door, leaving no notes or explanations or numbers to call. Just say Goodbye. Make that decision and be sure you’ve taken a huge step in the right direction.

It might be emotionally painful, unbelievably so, and seem unthinkable - but it can be done. You have to tell yourself that you CAN do it.

It isn’t enough to gift yourself goodbye, of course that’s the second step in the three step journey, we know they say that "the dog goes back to its vomit", well the only way we can stop a dog from going back to its vomit is by packing it away or changing the dogs location.

Don’t think you are too strong to entertain the little things that dragged you deeper into the relationship.

Walk away from them. Completely.

STEP 3: BURN BURN BURN

When you gift yourself goodbye, you need to cut ties and let go of alliances that could drag you into past habits. You need to burn the connecting bridges. And may those bridges you burn, light the way...

You have chosen to live free of poor relationships, that’s one right choice and you need to make another. You need to cut off from any person, animal, place or thing (this sounds like I'm 'bout to give the definition to something, haha) that might pull back to your past.

i.                     Keep away from friends that will expose you to illicit drugs (drugs)

ii.                   Avoid conversations that will steer the thought of that boy your way (abusive relationships)

iii.                  Run far from any website or content that has the slightest sexual connotation (porn).

iv.                 Don’t ask to know what the odds are (if betting is your thing)

Avoid them, and set up support systems as well as accountability systems, so that you don’t fall short and even if you do, you could be led out of your mess.

Finally in the business of gifting goodbyes, you need to understand that prayer is a major key (♫ ‘I got the keys keys keys’ ♫ ). Burning the bridges that could lead back to such relationships is very important, but with prayer you would find it easier and much less stressful.

You might be saying; isn’t God too busy to pay attention to my coca cola addiction? Or to my telemundo addiction? (yes these rare species of addiction exist!!)

Trust me, God is the busiest entity in all of existence, but His number one priority is you. Aren’t you blessed?

Tell him, talk to him and I'm sure he will answer.

‘This is the confidence we have in him that if we ask anything according to his will he answers us’ 
– Bible 




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