BREAK (Temporarily Unable To Dispense Love)

Every system, mechanical or electrical, is designed to require breaks. When a system is being worked out, when it looks like the system is being overused, when there's overheating, when it begins to show signs of malfunctioning - then a break is needed.

I'm sure you must’ve gotten one of those messages from your bank stating that “the online banking system is down and going through a routine check”. At such times, it might not be convenient for the users, but its expedient it happens so that a more terrible thing doesn’t occur. When using a computer system, we would say it’s getting hot and let it rest for a while. A vehicle driving for so long deserves some form of rest after getting on with one long distance journey, or the other, from one place to another.

So, if we pay so much attention to our mechanical and electrical systems, then why not our own emotional and financial systems. Yes, people were made for love - so also was the Automated Teller Machine, but after some time of usage it requires a break from its’ steady use. Usually, the break times might be very close to one another due to over/rough use. Yes, it was made to dispense cash but when exhausted it’ll state ‘unable to dispense cash’.

I believe the human system works in such a way as well, after one/several failed relationship(s), after experiencing a fatal relationSHIP wreck, you don’t just jump on another relationSHIP because you feel you have all the love in the world. If you don’t take time, you will jam like that ATM around your area. You will realize that you’re trying to love like you want to but you can’t. There's a jam of love in your AHM (automated heart machine), like a jam of cash from the atm. You can’t keep doing trial and error with your heart. Give that heart a break before you get a heartbreak.

Too many people have engaged themselves in relationship after relationship trying to prove a point. There are a few things we must do as people made to love after any failed attempt at a relationship.

1.       Ask the hard questions

Be sure to know why the former relationship fell apart, why was there a wreck? Is there anything you could have done differently? Did your ego have the better part of you? These questions are necessary to get back on your feet and work on yourself, so that whatever role you played in your previous relationship that led to a shipwreck wouldn’t repeat itself in another one.

2.       Don’t jump into another ship just yet

Yes. There's this girl that seems to have caught your fancy, or that guy that is well ripped and has a British accent or whatever works for you. Please don’t jump into another ship just yet. You have to do number 1, and it will require time, quite a lot of time to ask questions, and make it work for you.

3.       Work on yourself.

After asking the hard questions, be sure to make the necessary corrections. Being aware of a problem is only a first step. Being able to engage it head-on is the more important part. Be ready to deal with the elephant in the room. This is a very serious part of the process, as it requires a lot of conscious effort and uneasy changes. Change is the mantra.

4.       Speak to someone

We know you are Mr. /Mrs. Independent but please, biko (igbo), joor (yoruba), seisei (ijaw) speak to someone. Don’t assume you can weather the storm alone. You might think you can, but I'm here to tell you that you can’t. Don’t even bother. You need to have a confidant, one who is more mature than you, one who has been through your stage and handled it well. Don’t think having a bunch of friends – who are going through the same phase as you - to talk with, will help much either or that y’all will find a headway? I think there's an adage about the blind leading the blind… hehehe you know the rest.

5.       Give yourself time to heal

I know I probably sound like a broken record, but giving yourself time to heal is very crucial in this process, as it encompasses all that was stated above - and it’s more like just being sure that you don’t feel any hurt or hate towards your previous partner. This is important, so you don’t walk into another relationship with an unhealthy emotion like hate, towards another person. One thing about hate is that the things you hate find a way of coming into your conversations. In a bid to bad mouth them you steadily keep them in your mind.

So how long is the healing period? I believe it’s dependent on individuals. As soon as you can let yourself get rid of the present feelings of loss, hate, pain, anger, distrust, shock etc - then you’re good to go. Don’t hurry yourself. A relationship is better enjoyed than endured. There is so much more to say, but I’ll close here.

Finally, everything has a rhythm, and a groove, every system works within a conducive environment, and can be nurtured to produce its best within the right environs. Find yours, make it work and live a happy life.

Remember; give yourself a heart-break before you have a heartbreak.

By Ebi Ashidi

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