♫ If You No Come Party... Hide Your Face ♫

So I went for a party yesterday night, to do what people usually do at parties...

And I ended up doing what I usually do whenever I get a rush of emotions.

I wrote an article. *Ghen Ghen*

Now, I write best when drunk with emotion, and a lot of my articles will show that - Love. Anger. Shock. Fear. Heartbreak. "Ahem Ahems". You name it, I've written it.

Don't blame me for being so in touch with my emotions. I'm blessed that way.

Today's emotion was mostly confusion.

Let me tell you why.

It began as normal parties began, with music blaring into an empty room to signal people to step into the place.

Come to me.

Some people stayed outside to watch the venue to know if it'll flop before it even starts

All the females o

Maybe they forgot that if the party flops because no-one came, they are part of the problem.

"Nobody's in the party", but you are outside.

I had heard that girls were spilling all over at the party venue, and that there weren't any guys there, so I rushed like no man's business...

The estrogen in the hall needs my help.

I got into the venue and saw a sight.

A dry ass empty room

It was a scam.

But people were like, the party is still starting. Just come get a drink. So I went over to the drinks table and got some.... coke.

Some bitter type of woozy "coke"

10 minutes later. Still guys rumbling around in hunger, and 3 girls sticking to the walls, and music blasting out.

This is not the party you promised me.

I went to sit outside to talk to a friend. We saw the same girls that had been outside sitting and watching (wawu for them) while boys were waiting.

Where is the meat?

My friend, he-who-shall-not-be-named, was sitting on the stairs and eating chicken to console himself, thinking that no confirm estrogen was planning to arrive.

Why is life like this??!

About 2 minutes later, my friends eyes lit up like it was his birthday and they had just given him a brand new car. "The girls have come!!" he said, and pointed out to the gate.

Jamike nwannem, look at all my favourite things in life...

Indeed. The females had arrived. Complete in their painted on tights, and tight dresses that put beautiful, beautiful ideas in our heads.

All the guys that were outside froze and their hearts jumped in joy, even though they had straight faces.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

We went inside to ensure these gifts of heaven walking our way would be... properly welcomed.

♫All I want is your...♫

Then the music started changing to all the latest hits, and guys started attempting to show their flexibility on some nearby round bubbles...

Shaku Shaku *uhn*, Azonto *uhn*, 1, 2 step *uhn*

I myself got curved twice.

Nothing hurts shy people more than being curved. We're like, "My spirit said I should not go oo. But did I listen? No!!"

So I did what I usually do when things don't go as planned, I just go sit down, and examine the problem.

So I started watching the people in the party, and started noticing the categories of human beings in the party.

There were the girls who huddled among themselves, shaking behinds on  each other, and holding their waists...

They would act like they desperately needed the blessing of a male touch...

(Or at least that's what we guys would like to believe)

But the moment you decided to tap into their blessing, they would let loose the curve of destiny.

This is not your "Sparta"

We also had the "single ladies" who danced alone and "didn't need no man" to make them happy.

Look at my boogie woogie dance

Then we had the girls who "didn't know how to dance". Who after using such a bad excuse, you would find rocking a young gentleman like he was oxygen, and they were gasping for air.

Those who know, will know

Next were the guys who got curved on a regular, moving from booty to booty, for the 5 seconds they were allowed to taste paradise.

ehmmm... ehmm... well, 5 seconds of paradise is still paradise na

Then we had the girls on the wall/corner huddling together like they were having cult meeting. No approach can ever succeed.

Did you come here to dance, or to make plans? Choose one.

Then we had the annoying girls that would carry their friends away the moment you came close to live life in the good ol' booty lane.

"The booty ain't for you."

Then we had the guys who were successfully sampling different shapes and sizes, in mutual interest, with girls who apparently knew what they came for and were not interested in wasting time.

This is how to live life.

We also had the girls who apparently didn't understand why guys were bumping behind them.

"Is that a man on my booty?"

Then the DJ in the corner touching his laptop at different intervals, which apparently meant something to him I guess.

The ostrich cannot tell the eagle how to do his job.

We can't, of course, forget the MC's/Hypemen who came up with great ideas to make people interact - like that Conga dance.

You know that stuff was the sh**

Which was botched by uncooperative people

Is your sole function in this life to hinder progress?

So apparently, I was not the only one that was mercilessly curved...

Oh my wawu.

Sitting on the bench with me, and leaning against the wall in apparent social misery were numerous boys who had either been curved a deep parabola, didn't know to approach the girls, or were too shy/scared to find a local booty.

*sniffs*

Looking at the dance floor, it seemed like only 5 boys were there and enjoying themselves. All others were either in search of paradise, or at the wall like yours truly.

Such a cold lonely night.

The DJ and Hypemen of course didn't like that, and were spitting out fire phrases like, "If you're not rocking somebody, you're dulling" and "Hold somebody by the waist", or "make sure you're not alone in this party"

Maybe they didn't know we had tried to enter "heaven", but the "angels" said no.

Gentlemen in the party were not there to play, so if a girl told them they "couldn't dance", it was fine. They weren't there to dance anyway. The dark corners were not there for nothing abeg.

If you know, you know.

Then came the Conga dance. I won't say anything about it, but if you want to know more, come for the next party - unless you're not going to do anything. Then please stay in your rooms.

You can't be coming to confuse the rest of us.

Every once in a while the DJ will either play a recent hit, or a power classic from our childhood, and the crowd will erupt.

♫ "Yahhoooooze!! Oh Oh!! ♫

What was strange was that everybody would come out for like 3 and a half seconds, and bend as if they want to begin dancing, and then reverse back as if nothing happened.

Like, make up your minds already.

The rest of the party was occupied by connection making, some MO sessions, and lots of the boogie woogie.

♫ Go shawty.... It's not your birthday...♫

I'm pretty sure one or two people got the alphabet that night as well.

If you understood that reference, wawu.

The thing that just confused us all the most was the girls that were in the hall but refused to dance (ahem ahem) with anybody.

Why didn't you stay in your hostel?

And that was it for the party. I think. I left around 11:30 or so. ☻

Also, I honestly struggled with not naming this article "How To Rock African Booty". It seems like such a catchy title.

What other title do you think could have been the winner for this article?

Let's Do It All...

Love, Stars and Jamike

-------------------------

Did you like this article? You'll definitely like others like...

1. The Jamb Experience

2. How NiMSA broke my heart...

3. When The Carnival Came