How to shoot your shot (for ladies) - Part 1

I think a piece like this has been long overdue.

Let's face it. People meet each other every other day. And because a girl starts a relationship doesn't mean she's cheap or bad. However, some girls are just so bad at doing this, that it fails spectacularly. Like a bad comedy movie. The kinds that get 3% on Rotten Tomatoes.

I've had too many girls try, (if you can call them attempts) to "shoot their shot" and completely miss the mark. Conversations that seem like they may have had potential, end up falling completely flat.

I don't know if they were relying on their fine faces or robust curves to get me to fall head over heels, but I personally don't trust pictures I see on the internet. I've noticed that a majority of people look drastically different in real life than they do online. It's creepy. And frankly very disappointing. Now I have trust issues. Thank you.



Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to brag that girls all over the world are tumbling head over heels for me, and shooting desperately in the hopes of catching a fleeting glance from good ol' me. (that would have been awesome) It's just that quite a few of the people that have messaged me have done it so horribly, that I'm at a loss for what they wanted exactly.

So... wait. Is that it?

Some people message you, and say "Hi". And after you reply, they don't bother to do anything to move the conversation forwards from there. I don't know if you wanted to announce your presence, but there are ~8 billion people in the world. You need to do better than that. If you thought that you sending the first message was moving mountains, I have to inform you that it's really moving dust. People can greet each other on the road everyday. It's really nothing special.

I know some of this sounds harsh, but it needs to be said. I mix humour, satire and realism in my writings to get my point across. This is to get you to stop giving bad vibes with your shots, and then blaming all of mankind for your misery. Please stop. Sometimes the guy is not a jerk. Sometimes you're just bad conversation.

Some other people may continue after that, but then get lost in a spiral of meaningless cliches - every single day, of; "Have you eaten?", "How is your family?", "How are you?"

There's a whole universe out there to talk about. Surely, the most important thing ever is not the fried potato and stew I eat every evening. Be creative. Explore other topics. You might not hit it off 100% of the time, but it'll show that you're a diverse and excitable character.

Stop it please.

Next, some people just send an endless stream of irritating BC's. I'm not looking for a newscaster, please. I have Nairaland for all that drivel, and there I can even choose which weirdness to read.

I won't post screenshots here, because that would be unfair and unnecessarily humiliating. Most of them are from long ago anyways. I don't attempt to continue conversations that have consistently failed even after I have put in my own effort. I have to be honest.

Now, this article has been long enough, so I'll put the guide you guys love so much in the next article (next week). But before I leave you, I want to encourage you not to feel bad about trying to slide into someone's DM's. We men aren't all that better after all. We've been shooting our shots around like armed robbers with Ak-47's. I don't think it's too much trouble if you use a small pistol to try your luck a little.

Also, please, I'm being metaphorical here. DO NOT USE AN ACTUAL GUN TO SHOOT PEOPLE. Abeg.

Especially me.
I like living.

A lot.

(READ PART TWO HERE -----> CLICK ME)

Thanks for coming.
Love, stars, and cupids' bullets. 

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