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Hi @bankstatements18.
I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy that really loves me but then I don't think I know what love is.
First and foremost, we are of different tribes and denominations.. I'm Catholic and my dad is strongly against me moving to another church.. Worst of all, marrying into this particular tribe he's from will be a big problem.
Well, I don't know if I like this boy as much as he likes me and he has a lot of dreams and aspirations for both of us.. He's always bringing up talks about marriage, family and our future together and I'm usually creeped out sometimes.. He's undergoing his post graduate programme while I'm studying a course that leaves me about 5 years before I'm finally ready to settle down. It's also a very busy course where I'd really not have much time even for myself.
Furthermore, he's bent on making one of his hobbies a career and I'm not entirely in support of it. We've been together for a year and some months now. He has also cheated on me twice which he told me and I ended up forgiving him after sometime.
He had lost his way before I met him and my meeting him changed a lot in his life and made him a better person.. So leaving him would most likely devastate him and cause him to go back to old habits.
The question now is,
Do you think I should still continue with him? Or I should just set things straight and tell him I don't want this again (since I don't believe things will work out like he claims and I don't believe we are strong enough to stand the test of time)? And mind you, I've almost broken up with him on few occasions.
Lastly, about the career he's chasing, I'm neutral about it but I'd prefer if he doesn't continue with it.. What do you think I should do about the situation?
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8 comments:
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I
clicked submit my comment didn't show up. Grrrr...
well I'm not writing all that over again. Anyway, just
wanted to say wonderful blog!
Well, I think for a relationship to work a lot of things have to be put in place. I don't think it's good for you to be neutral about his career because he needs his partner to be his greatest cheerleader. As for cheating, it almost feels like distance almost always makes them cheat. Anyways, it's good he confessed although I'm of the opinion that "once a cheat, always a cheat" but that's just my opinion right? You don't sound like you're excited about a future with him and I don't think that's healthy. If you actually want to be with him, his tribe and religion can be sorted out with your dad. I feel you should remain friends and see where it leads. I've been there before and I assure you that he won't let go so easily and will keep on trying to convince you into getting back with him as long as you both still talk. Or you could give yourselves a break for a while and see what happens. I think friendship is great since your meeting him changed his life cos not everyone that is of the opposite gender and changes your life for the better is supposed to be in a relationship with you. Anyways, this long comment I just typed out is what I'd do if I were in your shoes but you still have to check inside you for what you really want to do and what would make you happy. That's what matters!
Society has changed the way we see love and relationships, most of these things don't last that long anymore, since he's far ahead of you in studies and career wise, I think you should break up with him because a time will come when he will want to explore more but you won't have the time to join him or support him due to your studies and all... I think Its best you do the right thing so it won't be too late
This is the best comment. It wont work so just break it up.
I think you have said it all!
In my opinion it's unreasonable to endure a relationship and expect marriage to somehow b super,(ps: im not saying it's not possible just really slim chance and I think the best future you can have is the one you create yourself)
So I think stepping down to just friends is a good idea to give eachother a clear opinion of what u want and can Have!... oh well, just my opinion:what do I know🙂
He's going to cheat on you again...... Y stay in the relationship if ur not excited about it... the future and all that and it's not healthy. Focus on yourself
I say stay with him... But then that's cause I'm a sucker for love. Lol
But seriously tho. If you aren't that excited to be in a relationship with him then what's the point? What's the point in wasting both his time and yours?
It seems to me that cause you're not interested in him that's why you are giving excuses like his tribe and his church. Things like that don't matter when you're in love. The only valid excuse you have is the cheating. If you have changed him so much, don't you think he won't cheat? Cause he should be scared of you leaving him. And he did it twice?! Lol.
He's either not that interested and he's just scared of not finding anyone better than you
Or...
He's just with you for the fun of it
Or...
He's dumb as hell
After the cheating, how did you address the issue? Did you just let he go after he said he wouldn't do it again? How did you even feel when he said it? Did you tell him how you felt at all?
I'm going to contradict myself and say lose him. The relationship is not worth the effort and lost time.
When honestly you need to figure out what exactly you want. You can't keep drawing this guy on a chain. His dreams might not be yours. I understand that you are scared of your parents but if u truly loved him none would matter. And the best way to support someone is to support
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