DEFEATED NOT - Episode 3

[2 min read]

                  

Then she went on to tell me about the family that wants me as their daughter, then I cried, and the more she told me about the family, the more I cried.

She told me to keep it to myself for a while, like there was anyone I could have told, so I answered "Yes ma" and she sent me to my room. I could not sleep that night. I knew God was mean and all, but I could not help praying to Him to make sure my new family would not have a change of heart.

Though now, I wish they did.

As I reflect now on that day, I wasn’t so smart after all, but what did I know, all I wanted was a family at any cost. Even after everything they did to me, I still love them, because there was a time when they were truly really nice and it felt like a family.

But then, what family would have wanted an extra person to take care of with the economy?

I was starting to get worried. It’s been 4 hours since Mrs. Hadiza sent me to the room telling me to think about how good and grateful I would be when I got there and how I would improve on my behavior and I was only too happy to get away from her.

‘They changed their minds, do you think anyone will want you’ Halima told me.

I knew better than to let Halima's words get to me, she had mouth like a razor with cutting words. My face was blank as usual, but her words went deep. I did not like Halima, she referred to my hair as clusters of goat poop. She was a bully and considered herself the luckiest out of all of us, because she was pretty. She was indeed pretty, but I never told her that. She was always mean, especially to me, but I didn’t care. She was going on and on one day about how lucky we were to be able to breathe the same air she did, when I asked her "If she thought herself so important, why was she among us and not with her birth parents.?"

Everyone had been super quiet that day, though I saw some smiles. Halima had been so furious that she did not talk to anyone for 3 days straight. That was fine with me.

But what if she was right. I was about to go down the lane of "what ifs" when Miss Bola called out to me ‘come down here, Fona’ she said from the waiting room.

My heart pounded so hard, I had to look around to see if anyone noticed. A woman was waiting beside Miss. Bola.

She bent to hug me and she smelled so nice, I immediately liked her. Miss Bola pulled me aside to give me the final pep talk, I thought I saw tears in her eyes. I hugged her tight and I felt her put something in my bag.

‘I’m going to miss you’ I said.

‘Can you come visiting sometimes?’

She laughed and said she would try. That was enough for me.

As I walked back to the smiling woman I took a final look around the place I’ve known as my home for as long as I can remember. I thought I’d actually feel something, anything, but I did not, I finally felt a tug on my heart when I looked at Miss Bola. I finally let myself look at the girls. Some had tears in their eyes and I did not understand. Are they going to miss me? Some looked envious; well, they better! Most looked on without emotion, that I could relate to. I've had to learn the hard way to mask whatever it was I felt behind a blank expression. I looked around for Halima-for what purpose? I did not know. But she was not present.

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