The Mother-In-Law

By Chimamkpam Onyenezi

There was a time when not having a baby in a marriage used to be the primary problem of couples. Well, its understandable when that happens - because of our culture here in Nigeria, but nowadays it seems that not having a child in a marriage just became a secondary problem. Now, the MOTHER IN-LAWS have just upgraded themselves to be the primary problem in the home of their children.

I still don't understand why a Mother will not concentrate on her own marriage, but instead leave her husband's home, go to her son's home to torment the wife of her son, just because the wife was ‘fortunate (Or maybe now unfortunate) to marry her son’.

What nonsense is that? This is total witchcraft. People think that witchcraft is only when you fly around in the night ‘ka Amusu’ tormenting people. NO!! Witchcraft is when you decide to leave the comfort of your home and go to another person's home to cause katakata (problem). Ị gaghi ekwe ka Nwunye nwa gị ñụrụ mmiri tọba iko. It’s very cruel.

Even if you don't like your son's wife, please mothers, it’s his problem. He was the one that married her, so he should bear the consequences - if any should arise. It’s very bad news to hear that NNE DI (mother in-law), is the primary problem of her son's family. Instead of her son to be worrying about his family, he will be worrying about his mother who should be at home with her own husband. I don’t know if they think they are helping their son or what. Most times I don't really blame ladies that wish for their mother in-laws to be dead before getting a husband. We think they speak evil, but in that evil they speak, there is a bitter truth.

And for the sons too - It’s annoying that some will just be allowing their mother to be spoiling their marriage. If you think you can’t do without your mother, then why did you even marry. You should have stayed at home with your mother forever, since ọdighi ihe na eju gi anya. Especially ONLY SONS. I don’t even know what is their problem. You are meant to love your wife more than your mother whether you like it or not, because your wife is your partner for life.

Your mother has done her part to bring you up so your wife is your second mother. Please don't put your mother first before your wife. Your wife is part of your life, she is the one that will grow old with you, and not your mother. One day your mother will die when she gets old, and your wife will still be with you - and that is why you should always make her your first priority. She is your all oo.

It breaks a wife's heart when she discusses something with her husband, and the husband will go and start gossiping with his mother about the discussion he had with his wife. It means that there is no privacy between you and your wife, it means that you don't value your wife, then why did you marry her?? Please we have to help ourselves. I didn't say that we should not take advice from our parents concerning our marriages, but rather we should only take the advice that will bring progress in the marriage. We Love our mothers, YES! But we need to love our wives more. No matter how your mother suffered to bring you up, the only thing you owe your mother is taking very, very, very good care of her - show her the love she deserves, but don’t let that love scatter the future you will have with your wife. SONS, take note.

DAUGHTER IN-LAWS, this is not only about the husband and their mothers oo, it’s also about you and how you treat your mother in-law. Sometimes it’s really your fault as well, sometimes you are the ones that make them act the way they do towards you. Try and treat your mother in-law the way you would treat your own mother. Let me give you all a little secret about keeping peace between you, your husband and your mother in-law: if you notice that your husband is especially attached to his mother, you have to act up and make her feel that you are on the same page. Marriage is also about being diplomatic - you've got to use your head. You can make your mother in-law fall in love with you, even if you don’t like her. It’s the only peaceful solution. Always make your husband feel that you really care about his mother, and you will see how smoothly things will work out in your family. It’s really simple mathematics. You need to learn how to PRETEND in some things, especially family matters, because you are the one that will suffer it if you don’t act up. DAUGHTER IN-LAWS TAKE NOTE!!

SWEET MOTHERS. Please, we know that most times, you think you are doing the best for us when you try to control our marriages, but it’s not true. Marriage is something beautiful that happens between just YOUR SON and his wife, you are not included in any way, YES! Allow us to enjoy that way you enjoyed with our father without anybody disturbing you. The most important thing we need from you as our mother and as married men is your prayers. Pray for us.

God bless our mothers. We love you. But we love our wives more. 

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